the long process of purging

When I was younger, I wrote in a journal daily. It was how I dealt with every curve life threw at me.
I stopped writing about 7 or 8 years ago,  for so many reasons, but mostly because I wasn't ready to do anything about what I discovered.
I started writing again about a year ago. I've done some off and on, sometimes by hand like the "old days", but more often electronically as thoughts popped in my head. I'd thought I'd share some in case my feelings and words might help someone else with whatever they are going through.

I can’t hold onto to her anymore

I held her for a moment in this big scheme of time
I never thought there’d be a moment when she wasn’t mine

she’s a free spirit
she’s shed all her fears
held up her head
wiped away all the tears

she’s spread her wings
looking to the sky
she’s taken flight

all that’s left for me
is to kiss her goodbye

*********

I never believed I could fall so hard again

But here I am, feeling all the hurt

It reminds that I’m still alive

So thank you for this broken heart

I walked away from sorrow

The loneliness was the hardest part

I know now I do it on my own

So thank you for this broken heart

Now I’ve found my voice again

So I can sing

And I can soar again

Since I remembered I have wings

I feared I’d lost the way to love

With no idea on where to start

You helped me see that I still can

So thank you for this broken heart

Thank you, thank you, thank you
From the bottom of my broken heart

*********

His complete lack of bravery kept him from ever owning his own heart.

He followed the whims and will of others to avoid rejection and denial.

In the end, he lost out on true, great love and life itself. He passed his days in safety, monotony and unfulfilled dreams.

He was given an unwanted freedom for a moment

and was shown so many possibilities

for love with few constraints, adventure and risk

but in the end,

when his tether was tugged ever so slightly

he return to the unhappiness that was familiar

and was never disappointed.

**********

the next time we meet

you'll wonder if I know you

as I look through you

but my lips will be betray my expression

with one word

coward

***********

J